"its beyond love. they love me unconditionally. i have had that. everyone has to have that. i don't think it matters who it is from. maybe this is why i have love, because i had it. i can do no wrong for them. they will go to such pains to understand why i have done wrong- but it isn't wrong anyway because i have done it.

If i look back for moments which gave me that feeling of the rug having been pulled from under my feet, i suppose i think of romances that went wrong. But it was only temporary. I often come across old bits of diary where i have written "the bottoms fallen out, i am plummeting through a void, and he has done this to me and he has done that" and at this point i can't remember who the fuck he was, and that really is devastating when you realise how absurd some of these things have been"