the fucking energy leached from my body as my frantic-rabbit thoughts tried to figure out how to make her happy, and each action, each attempt, was met with a rolled eye or a sad little sigh. A you just dont get it sigh.

Amy made me believe i was exceptional, that i was up to her level of play. That was both our making and undoing. Because i couldn't handle the demands of greatness. I began craving ease and averageness, and i hated myself for it, and ultimately, i realized, i punished her for it. I turned her into the brittle, prickly thing she became. I had pretended to be one kind of man and revealed to be quite another. Worse, i convinced myself our tragedy was entirely her making. I spent years working myself into the very thing i swore she was: a righteous ball of hate.

Beneath the cigarettes and sugar shit of alcohol breath
I can taste the ocean of your tongue
Remember when we sat on the sidewalk of your old block
Against the wall under the stars
Talking about love's meaning
Well, I wasn't dreaming

I meant every word
Just didn't know your demons
Do you know mine, babe?
Are we wasting time, babe?

Playhouses
Haunted by
Broken spirits
Just trying to get high

Well we chose this course but
The weather changed
And the river froze
And when it thawed it was running
Backwards and dry now
I suppose it's appropriate to cry now

Over wasted time
And naked lies
Still get wasted sometimes

A person who doesn’t care about you is not necessarily a bad person. It’s just that they are not attached to you. Maybe they have enough people in their life to care about. Maybe there are things about you they don’t like that they have never mentioned.  Occasionally, they are just a selfish and uncaring person. Sometimes there is no real reason. But it is important to really think about the people who care about you and the people who don’t. Because when you care for someone, you invest in them. What happens to them affects you, and their lack of care will hurt you. So cherish the people who care about you, and do not invest your time, and your heart, into people who do not

 

lombok feb 2013

 

“You can be anything,” and we heard, “You have to be everything."

"There is no ideal world for you to wait around for. The world is always just what it is now, and it’s up to you how you respond to it."